Bob Mueller or Santa Claus? Our Special Counsel Thinks Both Are Bringing Gifts This Christmas

I’m tired of reading Keendawg’s takes on the Kavanaugh confirmation, so as this blog’s resident attorney, I’m going to GTFO of that space for a second and make some easy cash on our justice system. And by that I mean, the Great Pumpkin’s (President Trump) legal problems.

So take your eyes off of Kavanaugh and that terrible haircut for a minute and check out these markets that, in my opinion, are being neglected.

Will Donald Trump testify to the special counsel, Robert Mueller III, in 2018?



“NO” shares are currently at 88 cents. It’s basically a chance to get a 12% bump for three short months. So we are all about the NO shares here.


— Donald Trump is not testifying before Big Bad Bob (BBB) voluntarily. I consider that known. Bare with me for the rest.

— So BBB would have to subpoena Trump. Whether BBB wants the political hangover that comes with that is an unknown, but it seems unlikely.

— HOWEVER, even if BBB subpoenas Trump, subpoenas take time to be enforced. After they’re served, the person gets to move to “quash” the subpoena, or for a protective order, as Trump will surely do.

— How long will that process take? When President Nixon got subpoenaed in 1974, it took three months and six days in between the time the subpoena was issued and the Supreme Court said he would have to respond to it. That was basically the fastest the legal system has ever worked.

— KNOWN: There are not three months and six days left in 2018. BUY.


Buy the NO’s to give your war chest a little bump. Rule for life: always say yes to free money.

Will federal criminal charges be filed against former FBI director Andy McCabe in 2018?



Are you kidding? We’re buying the “NO” shares at 64 cents. The U.S.A. isn’t a banana republic… yet. Details of why:


— In April of this year, the media reported that the Inspector General for the Department of Justice referred Andy McCabe to the U.S. Attorney’s Office within the DOJ for potential criminal charges.

— McCabe allegedly lied to FBI investigators about authorizing a leak of information to the Wall Street Journal in 2016.

— A referral means one thing and one thing only: the Inspector thinks a crime may have been committed, and the Inspector is asking the DOJ to consider whether criminal charges are appropriate.

— The FBI and the DOJ work hand-in-hand on criminal matters. Think the cops and the lawyers on Law and Order. Put shortly, the DOJ charging McCabe would ruffle some feathers at the FBI.

— For those wondering about how the Old Pumpkin could play into this, President Trump cannot force the DOJ to charge McCabe. He can cry in the media about it, but the DOJ can ignore him, just like you.


Buy “NO.” This feels like a trade that should cost closer to 90 cents. It will be going up. Even if you don’t have the stomach to make it to the end of the year, the DOJ is absolutely not charging McCabe before the election, and the NO price is only going up.


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1 thought on “Bob Mueller or Santa Claus? Our Special Counsel Thinks Both Are Bringing Gifts This Christmas

  1. Goddammit Keeney you edited this to use 12% instead of 13% in the first item. Making 12 cents on 88 cents is not 12% I will die on this hill. #mathisbipartisan

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