Get Your Scrooge On. Profit from this Government Shutdown.

scrooged moron

In the world of political gambling, there has been beaucoup conversation this weekend over whether or not the current partial government shutdown will last until 12:00 PM on Christmas Eve and be confirmed by the Office of Personnel Management, at which point PredictIt will disburse free money to everyone holding YES shares.

For those concerned, here are the rules:

rules.jpeg

Honestly, I have no idea why people are even debating whether or not this shutdown will last and if OPM will confirm it. Corporate America should stop drug testing job applicants and start asking them if the government is going to be open this Christmas Eve, because that is probably the quickest way to learn whether or not potential hires are complete and total morons, or functioning human beings. Of course the government will be shut down on Monday. It’s a total no-brainer. Here’s why:

(1) No one in Congress actually cares about this partial government shutdown. That’s because it’s Christmas and there isn’t really a political incentive to compromise given (a) how this fight is being framed ideologically; and (b) the fact that the agencies involved are utterly insignificant to 99-percent of Americans.

Do you really think that Ted Cruz is going to ruin his Christmas because the Department of Housing and Urban Development can’t process loan applications for a day?

(2) Congressional leaders have promised 24-hours’ warning before any votes. That warning has not yet come. It’s Saturday night. And actually, as a matter of fact…

(3) The Senate has adjourned until Monday. Read that again: ADJOURNED!!!

(4) Let’s pretend that some Christmas miracle deal happens on Sunday. Even if the Senate reverses course, do you really think that a single Member of Congress is going to get on an airplane on Christmas Eve, travel to DC to vote, then travel back home on Christmas Day to resolve this shutdown that no one cares about? NO!!!

(5) Monday and Tuesday are federal holidays, so none of these agencies would be open anyways. Here’s a real brain-buster for you: why would Congress wreck its own Christmas to keep the government “open,” just so that it could immediately be “closed.”

(6) THE RULES. Is OPM going to post a shutdown notice on its website by 12:00 PM? Of course it will. There are literally thousands of government employees and contractors who need this information.

If OPM can’t get it’s shit together to announce a Border Wall snow day, then what the hell are they doing? And let’s not forget: Monday might be a holiday for the federal workforce, but the thousands of contractors and consultants who also staff the bureaucracy may be on different Christmas schedules. Whether or not their worksites are open is essential information for them to have, and OPM knows it.

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This is such a no-brainer. I can’t believe there are people who actually think this shutdown will be resolved by Monday, or that the federal government will forget to tell its employees not to come to work. I just hope all these people holding “No” aren’t reproducing because their kids will be bigger idiots than the ones who got us into this mess in the first place.

KEENDAWG.

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2 thoughts

  1. Carolina Reeper Challenge on this one? 🙂
    Rules say “on this date” not “by this date” and looks quite likely that the website will be discussing the executive order and not the shutdown in a few hours. Could clearly switch at any moment (it has before!) but far from free money. I got my “free money” lesson handed to me hard by Mattis’ exit being moved up before Jan 2. Ouch ouch ouch!

    1. Ha! Yeah, we saved our money and a little bit of face on that 12/23 pump. They call it “gambling” for a reason. Thanks for reading and commenting– we’ll be back with some free money on that very same Mattis market tomorrow. Happy New Year.

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