One of the most over-used phrases in the political game is, “floating a trial balloon.” This is a highly technical term for telling the media what you might possibly do in the future in order to test whether or not it will make people go absolutely batshit. For example, last week Joe Biden floated a trial balloon that he would potentially run for president with former George State Congresswoman Stacey Abrams as his VP pick. However, Abrams popped this bubble before it could take flight when she told the hosts of The View that, “I think you don’t run for second place,… If I’m going to enter a primary, then I’m going to enter a primary. If I don’t enter a primary, my job is to make certain the best Democrat becomes the nominee and, whoever wins the primary, that we make certain that person gets elected in 2020.” What a savage move. I am pretty sure that no unemployed State Congresswoman in history has ever had the stones to say no to a potential VP gig like that.
However, Stacey Abrams wasn’t the only trial balloon floating around Joe Biden’s as-yet-unannounced presidential campaign. There was a much bigger one that The Cut published titled, “An Awkward Kiss Changed How I Saw Joe Biden,” that I am 99 percent sure that Uncle Joe’s campaign was behind.
This is a smoking hot take but I am going to stick to it, because everyone following Joe Biden’s decision has been talking about how he potentially has a massive #MeToo problem due to the fact that one of his favorite activities is to be touchy-feely with young woman at public events; and that he was the Senator responsible for burying Anita Hill’s sexual harassment charges against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.
So for those of you who are wondering what this hair sniffing story means for Joe Biden’s presidential campaign, I will give you this genius advice: Uncle Joe doesn’t need a trial balloon to know if Americans want him to run. Most credible polls say that he is the #1 choice for Democrats, and most of them say he would crush Trump head-to-head in the general. What Joe Biden needs is a trial balloon to find out if the PC Cops have a warrant out for his arrest. He needs to know if there are any Dr. Christine Blasey Fords or Anita Hills out there who he literally rubbed the wrong way. He needs to launch a trial balloon to find out how bad his reputation is going to suffer if he runs for President, because Joe Biden, unlike the other Democratic contenders, stands to lose a lot by getting into this race. There is no upside to him getting crushed because he has already been Vice President and probably has zero interest in being appointed Ambassador, Secretary of Agriculture, or some other dumb job that Presidents hand out like participation ribbons to the betas who get smoked in the primary.
So Uncle Joe’s campaign is probably waiting to see if worse accusations come out of the woodwork after this story clears. My guess is that within ten days, we will know if the PC Cops are going to send the former VP to the same re-education camp that they sent fromer-Sen. Al Franken to for this photo:
If nothing crazy happens before then, Biden’s campaign is locked and loaded.
And as an aside, I will again say that I have not had the guts to bet on Joe Biden running for president and that I still think that at 77 cents, the odds are over-priced. You may think that this makes me a beta cuck. Maybe you are right. However, I think that you are wrong and that I am alpha AF. That is because I have done all of these things in the last year.
— Watched Aliens with my shirt off.
— Used “hog” as an adjective.
— Gone to the grocery store just to ball-tap people with apple cider vinegar in their shopping carts.
— Bet on John James to win the MI Senate race.
— Gone to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet and eaten everything Zoltar did.
There you go. Alpha AF. Maybe I should be president.