We have a few important announcements to make. The first one is that we recently ran out of Skoal and Red Bull and this has severely threatened our output of political genius. However, this hardship was a massive “Ah-ha!” moment. It made me realize that even though I have more Y-chromosomes in me than the entire cast of Riverdale, that alone is not enough to make this blog into the one-stop-shop of alpha you deserve. SSG is committed to creating a community of political maniacs who are obsessed with the question of “what is likely to happen” – but to get you information that is timely enough to profit on PredictIt, we need more resources. That’s why I have done two things:
(1) Started digging for gold in my neighbor’s yard; and
(2) Created a Patreon page in hopes of receiving your generous financial support. You can see the whole page here but for the alphas out there that live by the code of “TL:DR” – I made this savage video to get you caught-up. Your support is greatly appreciated.
ANNOUNCEMENT #2: Zoltar’s Free Money Carolina Reaper Picks are BACK
Now that I have asked you for money, I am going to give you some bangarang news: we are getting ready to give you a pile of free cash, because Zoltar-the-all-Knowing will be returning ASAP to make his Carolina Reaper picks for guaranteed wins. I know that this is massively important to you because: (1) you animals love Carolina Reaper picks more than you love me; and (2) we basically exist to give you cash by accurately predicting the political future, so I am getting a chubby just thinking about the hot fire that Zoltar is about to drop. This guy went 18-0 last year, which means that his batting average for winning gold is higher than Michael Phelps’.
We’re posting his first pick today, at the bottom of this bulletin.
HOWEVER, BEFORE ZOLTAR DROPS THE REST OF HIS PICKS, WE NEED YOUR INPUT.
Last season, Zoltar promised to eat a Carolina Reaper — the world’s hottest pepper — if any of his political gambling predictions did not come true. Had he failed, he no doubt would have been reduced to a screaming, crying, soon-to-be-hospitalized pile of Lululemon mush like these two smokes who I hope are 18 or older:
Fortunately for you, me, and Zoltar, his picks clocked-in at a savage 18-0 and the only people who had to eat anything were the boneheads who took the wrong side of his trades. We got you paid on bets like, “Will Donald Trump Testify Publicly in 2018” (YES @ 56 cents) and “Will Don, Jr., be Indicted in 2018?” (NO @ 70 cents). And after prudently investing my winnings in denim jackets and fireworks, I can totally say that the taste of victory is way better than the taste of 2 million Scoville units of heat.
But as Season 2 of Zoltar’s Carolina Reaper Picks approaches, we want to hear from you. Specifically, let us know:
(1) What are your favorite picks on PredictIt for free money? Zoltar has a few stacked-up, but more than anything, SSG is a community. We are here to swap tips, pool intelligence, and nuke beers together. Hit us up on our contact page with your favorite markets and we’ll chirp you back with our thoughts.
(2) And if any of Zoltar’s picks are wrong — what should he be forced to do? That’s right, every great story needs stakes. Mortal consequences. And we think you can help by recommending a new Carolina Reaper. We’re looking to upgrade the monster that will rip Zoltar’s face off if he blows his picks in Season 2. I told Zoltar about this and he hit me back with two rules for you savages to consider, as well as one dynamite idea.
I too have done some brainstorming and here are my suggestions:
SEASON 2 REAPER REPLACEMENTS.
If one of Zoltar’s picks misses, he should have to….
— Chug a beer through an animal carcass:
— Eat fried chicken seasoned with bear mace.
— Be broadcast on an SSG live stream watching A Walk to Remember during the Super Bowl.
Now hit us up on our contact page and let us know what you want to see. In the meantime, we’re dropping one of his Reaper picks right here, right now. Check out what’s going on with Roger Stone.