Bob Mueller is Going to Unveil “Magnum” This Week in Congress

There are lots of boneheads in the Fake News Media chattering about how Special Counsel Robert Mueller, who is scheduled to testify before Congress about his Russia probe this week, is a serious public servant with no ego. But I think that these chatterboxes have him wrong. Bob Mueller is not Jimmy Stewart aka Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. He is also not J. Edgar Hoover. There is only one person that Robert Mueller reminds me of, and that is Derek Zoolander.

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Let me explain:

— Derek Zoolander and Bob Mueller both have great hair.

— Derek Zoolander and Bob Mueller are both famous for work they did in another decade. In Zoolander’s case, it was his fashion-defining “Blue Steel” look. In Mueller’s, it was his service as an FBI director for Bush and Obama.

— Robert Mueller is also known for some “Blue Steel” of his own due to the fact that he spent his life helping the boys in blue put criminals behind bars.

— When asked about his follow-up to “Blue Steel,” Zoolander told the fashion press that it was highly secretive and, “I shouldn’t even be talking about it.”

— When asked about the status of the Russia probe, Mueller just ignored the press for two years. When asked about testifying after the release of his report, Mueller told the press that, “It is important that the office’s written work speak for itself… The report is my testimony. I would not provide information beyond that which is already public in any appearance before Congress.”

This is obviously proof that we are dealing with two very secretive, very serious artists who believe that their work should speak for itself. I basically imagine Bob Mueller’s office looking a lot like this, except with more hair gel:

picasoo mueller studio

That said, there is no denying that lots of people in Washington, D.C. have used the Mueller Report to advance their own agenda. There are many people who do not think this report should be allowed to speak for itself. One of them is President Trump.

Another is some bonehead from California whose haircut is nowhere near as good as Mueller’s:

I don’t know about you but it sure looks to me like the big dawgs are doing everything they can to be sure that Bob Mueller’s masterpiece does not speak for itself. They are 100 percent undermining it. They are pulling a Dark Knight/Revenge of the Sith move on the Mueller Report, which is what I call it when politicians and the media swoop in and say that an artist is using his work to make a political statement that is most likely fake news. For example:

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And this one too:

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So even though Mueller has said he doesn’t want to testify and that he wants his work to speak for itself, I’m not surprised that he is finally going on the offensive. This is something that artists do all the time when they lose control of their work. Kanye did it:

JK Rowling did it.

And I am pretty sure that opera composer Richard Wagner did it too. His ghost has definitely been f*cking with every German Chanellor since Hitler due to the fact that the Nazis absolutely ruined his life’s work by turning it into genocide propaganda.

Add that to the list of worst-person-ever moves from Hitler.

So I am convinced that even though Mueller has been a real stick in the mud about not explaining his work, the artist inside of him knows that unless he pipes-up, the politicians are going to be speaking for it. As for the delay in getting this testimony done, Derek Zoolander said it best:  “You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.” I am sure that there have been a serious amount of negotiations to be make sure no one surprises him with a naughty question, etc., which I am going to write about later. But even though I think this is going to happen on Wednesday:

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The odds scare me and I’m not going to play in that sandbox. However, I am going to load up on a little more risk and chase the alpha here.

mueller impeach

Look for a post on that soon.

KEENDAWG.

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