Today I feel like a very lucky person. That is because it is only once or twice a year that I get to bet on a question that is as a big a test of my political genius as this one:
For those of you who need a little background, A$AP Rocky is a rapper who is famous for his hit single, “F*cking Problems,” which had the award-winning hook:
“I love bad bitches that’s my fuckin’ problem/
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin’ problem.”
And who recently got locked-up in Sweden for getting into a good old fashioned street brawl, most likely because he told someone that Ace of Base was for losers and that the vikings were fake news sailors who conquered stupid places like Greenland. President Trump intervened with the Swedish court system and now A$SAP is back in the USA pending an August 15 trial. So this man has a f*ckin’ problem and not just with bad bitches:
To me, there is almost nothing more Donald Trump than having problems due to the fact that you are smashing with way too many babes. It is basically science that Trump is an alpha who has been railing honeys for 30+ years, burning through wives quicker than I burn through benzos during a Cops marathon, and almost ending his career by bragging that he likes to “grab them by the p*ssy.” I would definitely say that this man has a f*cking problem too. This is important because A$AP sounds like the type of guy who Donald Trump would want to hang out with, which is probably why Trump got on the horn with the Prime Minister of Sweden to bail him out.
I honestly cannot even think of someone who is more obsessed with celebrities than Trump. I guarantee you he wants to invite A&AP Rocky over to slam a few beers and potentially smoke a few of the crack rocks A$SAP used to sell in the Bronx. Just two New York City boys having some good clean fun. Other presidents would probably skip this presser due to the fact that Sweden clearly did Trump a solid to release A$AP and it would cuck them massively to have the President of the United States bragging about how their judicial system basically just bent over for him. But then again, Donald Trump is a huge alpha who knows that America is the greatest country on earth and is not afraid to put our allies in timeout whenever they step on his toes. Just look at the time he dunked over Justin Trudeau’s head:
PM Justin Trudeau of Canada acted so meek and mild during our @G7 meetings only to give a news conference after I left saying that, “US Tariffs were kind of insulting” and he “will not be pushed around.” Very dishonest & weak. Our Tariffs are in response to his of 270% on dairy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 9, 2018
And made Theresa May fire the beta they sent to their U.S. Embassy:
The wacky Ambassador that the U.K. foisted upon the United States is not someone we are thrilled with, a very stupid guy. He should speak to his country, and Prime Minister May, about their failed Brexit negotiation, and not be upset with my criticism of how badly it was…
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 9, 2019
…And just clowned Emmanuel Macron for being president of a country that hasn’t won a war since 1918 and thinks that “football” is a sport for 5’7″ whities who can’t take a hit.
President Macron of France has just suggested that Europe build its own military in order to protect itself from the U.S., China and Russia. Very insulting, but perhaps Europe should first pay its fair share of NATO, which the U.S. subsidizes greatly!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 9, 2018
So it is basically settled that Trump does not give a crap whether or not the Swedish people are offended by him inviting A$AP to town. The complicated part of this bet is timing because A$AP is currently on tour until the end of August, so I am pretty sure he is not planning on coming to DC before then. This bet has to pay out by September 15 so this is really no bueno at all.
Then there is the fact that A$AP has a trial date set for August 15 in Sweden. I have already said that Donald Trump spends as much time worrying about diplomatic manners as porn star spends worrying about wearing white t-shirts in the rain, but I would be massively surprised if he invited A$AP anywhere before there was a verdict. Even Trump would be weirded-out by bragging that he was friends with someone convicted of a violent crime, especially when he can always just go hang out with Kanye and Kim for a weekend and get his dose of celebrity there. If I am being completely honest, I rushed into this market and bought yes because I just blindly assumed Trump would do anything to meet a celeb, but the more I think about it, the more I think that’s just dead money. I’ve already started selling but am going to hold on to half my stack because I think this market will pump if and when A$AP is acquitted, which the 100 percent not fake news publication TMZ is betting on.