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I don’t know about you animals but this summer I have just been happier than Robert Downey, Jr., and Colin Farrell at a cocaine buffet in the ’90s.
Part of this is due to the fact that bigshot politicians have been doing some truly hilarious things that tell you exactly how they think. The most recent example was this week when the Wall Street Journal reported that Donald Trump has gotten a big boner for Greenland in its bangarang piece titled, “President Trump Eyes a New Real Estate Purchase: Greenland.”
For those of you who are not woke yet, Greenland is a whole different country that the Vikings discovered, most likely due to the fact that they were cranking ale, peyote, and boat oars way too hard and sailed past England. Instead of discovering a fishing village with some honeys and churches they could bust into, they found a place that was too cold and shitty even for penguins.
Anyway, the takeaway here is that apparently Trump heard a rumor that Denmark was tired of financing this ice block and that maybe its, “abundant resources and geopolitical importance” could make it a “good economic play.”
This is 100 percent proof that Donald Trump has not learned anything since coming to the White House. He is definitely thinking about flipping whole countries the way he used to flip hotels and golf courses. I am honestly surprised that he has not already made a tender offer to Chinese Emperor Xi to purchase Hong Kong from him given that literally the entire city is rioting. Talk about a distressed asset. Anyway, I am just having the time of my life watching Trump be Trump because one of us is a moron, and there is at least a 99 percent chance it is me.