Trump & Ukraine: The Battle of Bastards is Here

One of the biggest disappointments of my life was learning that Game of Thrones was entirely made up and that the people in England don’t actually live in holes and kill each other with swords. I was extremely surprised to learn this because it is 2019 and they do not even have watches, calendars, or cars in this country, which you can see right here:



Queen Elizabeth waves in the 1902 State Landau carriage as she leads a carriage procession through London

But even though Game of Thrones was apparently fake news, it has actually been one of the best prediction tools I have ever seen for American politics. That is because the current scandal involving Donald Trump and the Ukraine is basically the exact same plot as the “Battle of the Bastards.” For those of you who need a refresher, “The Battle of the Bastards” was fought between Jon Snow, who is the hero but also an extremely shitty politician, and Ramsey Bolton, who is a huge douchebag who sexually abuses women. This reminds me a lot of Donald Trump and the modern Democratic Party because (1) Donald Trump is a huge douchebag who sexually abuses women; and (2) the Democratic Party is full of terrible politicians who think that the right way to win voters is to call them stupid and racist, and force their kids to use bathrooms of the opposite gender.

Anyway, at the Battle of Bastards, Ramsey Bolton aka Donald Trump tempts hero Jon Snow into a battle that does not favor him by killing his younger brother, Rickon.

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By the way, since Nancy Pelosi is the only Democrat who controls an army (that is constantly in-fighting like the Northmen), she is obviously Jon Snow.

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What ensues at the Battle of the Bastards is the most brutal melee of human flesh ever filmed on TV.

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Because of the tactical error that Jon Snow makes due to watching his brother being slaughtered, he and his army are nearly annihilated. Thankfully for him, Lady Sansa shows up with the cavalry and ices Ramsey Bolton.

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In the real world, Donald Trump is taking some serious heat for asking the Ukrainian government to investigate possible corruption between Vice President Joe Biden and some oligarchs in the Ukraine who gave his son, Hunter, access to enormous amounts of capital for no apparent reason other than his last name. It also turns out that Hunter Biden got a $1 billion sweetheart deal from Chinese government-backed investors who were pals with Uncle Joe. For both the House of Trump and the House of Biden, this story is very bad news, but not necessarily illegal. It is also setting-up one of the biggest and most needless political battles I can even think of. If these two houses go to war over the Ukraine, Nancy Pelosi will find herself in the same terrible situation that Jon Snow did at the Battle of the Bastards.

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Let me explain:

(1) Asking a foreign government to investigate a political rival feels like a great platform for Democrats to launch a new impeachment crusade from. But it’s not really illegal by itself.

(2) If Democrats come at Trump over a Ukraine scandal, he has a hostage to kill just like Ramsey Bolton did. That hostage is Joe Biden’s presidential campaign.

rickon stark

That is because it is going to be extremely hard for Democrats to accuse Donald Trump of being shady with the Ukrainian government without publicizing the fact that the Bidens actually were being very shady with the Ukrainian government at the same time. Voters got fired-up against Hilary Clinton for raising hundreds of millions of dollars for the Clinton Foundation from foreign oligarchs so I see no reason why they won’t get fired-up by Biden’s relatives raising literally billions the same way.

(3) Donald Trump has survived scandals before and has Mitch McConnell and Fox News blocking for him in legal process and public opinion. Joe Biden only has Nancy Pelosi to protect him, and half her caucus would love to see Biden canceled for being a white, hetero male whose pitch to black people is that he had a gangster friend named Corn Pop in the ’60s.

(3) Joe Biden’s wobbily performance at the Democratic debates (the bro can barely talk) and his slow decline in polling don’t make him look like the type of candidate who could survive a scandal. Trump knows this and so do the woke mullahs inside the Democratic Party who would love to cancel him.

(4) Again, the Democratic Party reminds me a lot of Jon Snow’s army due to the fact that all the Lords and Ladies supporting it can barely get along and are swallowing boatloads of pride by agreeing that an aging white man who used to chill with segregationists is their best option to beat Donald Trump. I personally think a scandal could blow that truce wide open.

Now let’s talk about incentives:

— If you are Kamala Harris and have been campaigning for the Woke Vote while getting absolutely crushed in the polls, why would you not use this issue in order to survive? Why would you not scream “impeach” at Trump and then point out that Joe Biden isn’t as clean and electable as he says he is?

— If you are a woke goblin in the House who can barely keep the drool off your coat lapel anytime you hear the word “impeach” (Jerry Nadler, Alex Ocasio-Cortez), why would you suddenly ignore a scandal in the Trump White House that might actually be impeachable? This feels real.

— But is there enough time left to impeach a president before November 2020? Do you really think Nancy Pelosi thinks it is a better idea to fight this battle rather than let public opinion build against the Trump and let the woke goblins go to work?

— But will the President force Pelosi to fight this battle? I think yes. If you are Donald Trump and facing impeachment, why would you not make this a personal issue with Joe Biden? Why would you not destroy the Biden family’s reputation like every other rival before theirs? Again, this is exactly what Ramsey did when killed Rickon Stark as punishment for Jon Snow attacking his fortress.

If Nancy Pelosi leads an army against Donald Trump’s castle, Trump is going to do his best to kill the heir to the Democratic house — Biden. That is one tough bargain.

So the Democrats might have an impeachable issue in their grasp — but the cost of fighting this battle might be sacrificing Joe Biden’s candidacy. This is exactly what psycho killer Devin Nunes is telling the Fake News Media (FNM) and I don’t think he is 100 percent wrong.

My prediction: Nancy Pelosi will not succeed in keeping a lid on the garbage can that is the House Democratic Caucus. There will be inquiries, hearings, and more. This will poke the bear (Trump) and he is going to get seriously pissed off and start raving about Hunter and Joe Biden’s shady business deals in Ukraine and China just like he did with “Crooked Hilary.” If this war of words goes nuclear, then Biden and Trump could wipe each other out. And just like at the Battle of the Bastards, the one who stands to benefit is the one who saves the day — a queen:

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Today she looks more like this:

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Hold on to your butts. Also, hold on to your “YES” shares on impeachment if you were smart enough to buy them while everyone else was saying, “hell no.”


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