NEWSLETTER: Trump is on a March to the Sea but Needs a Better Enemy than Buffalo Wild Wings

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fake wings

There are some boneheads in the Fake News Media (FNM) who are calling the longtime beef between Donald Trump and the Democrats a “Second Civil War.” I personally disagree with them in a few key ways. One of them is that I have never seen two daisy chains of men with guns and cannon balls shooting at each other in a field. This might be due to the fact that, per the first Civil War, slavery is now legal in 49 out of 50 states as long as you call the slaves “student athletes” and have them play football for a major college (once again, liberal California messing that one up). Or it might be due to the fact that people are not fighting over important things in 2019. I personally cannot imagine a single good reason to fight a war over whether or not plastic straws are cool, or if Google’s affirmative action policies are doing a good job of making up for several billion years of injustice in the solar system.

That said, these “Second Civil War” boneheads have a point. It is total war on Twitter where Donald Trump is basically just burning everything in his path like General Sherman. One of those things is Fox News.
Donald Trump throwing shade on Fox News would be like Abraham Lincoln throwing shade on Ulysses S. Grant. I honestly don’t even know who has his back if Fox News doesn’t. He is really just burning them down like a Georgia farmhouse on his March to the Sea and/or Mar-a-Lago.

Later this week, RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel heard that Buffalo Wild Wings had canceled a pro-Trump event in Michigan and sent a tweet declaring war on them. She said that B-Dubs’ actions were proof that “the left’s cancel culture has gone too far” and asked Trump fans to get rowdy with Buffalo Wild Wings’ management.

Once again, I was just left in awe. One of my favorite things ever was when presidents were badass enough to have true enemies. Abe Lincoln vs. Robert E. Lee. Hitler vs. Roosevelt. Ronald Reagan vs. Gaddafi. George W. Bush vs. Sadam Hussein. Bill Clinton vs. Linda Tripp. Talk about heavyweights.

But now that Buffalo Wild Wings is the sworn enemy of the Trump White House, I am just feeling let down. The main reason for this is that there is a very low probability that I can look forward to watching a live cruise missile strike on B-Dub’s HQ, or watch a videotape of the Army pulling down a boneless chicken wing’s statue in Berlin or Baghdad. I probably should not be surprised though. That is because Donald Trump has a background in reality TV, so he just does not understand how to put on a big show, like D-Day or Iran-Contra. I guess boring character storylines like Rudy Giuliani vs. Everyone, or Ronna McDaniel vs. Buffalo Wild Wings are what we should expect now. Who knew that the 2007 Hollywood Writers Strike would have such a long lasting effect. That is yet another reason why I am just so happy to be gambling recklessly on politics, because otherwise this would be a very forgettable year in politics.

Oh well, on to this week’s alpha.


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