MAILBAG: Everyone Wants to Talk About Elizabeth Warren, Except for One Guy Who Is Into Dudes

mailbag

Some of you have been contacting me this past week to ask for my genius political predictions. So I am going to open up the mailbag today:

FROM BEN:

Hey man. Congrats on the podcast success. Do you agree with the predict it odds on warren being a big favorite to win the nomination? Have you published a podcast on the democratic presidential nomination lately? Thanks man.

Dear Ben:

First of all, I’ve published a few podcasts on this.

Secondly, I agree that Sen. Warren is the favorite right now but that is mostly for these reasons: (1) Joe Biden can barely talk; (2) Kamala Harris has tanked worse than the Microsoft Zune; and (3) Joe Biden isn’t actually raising much money, which is a serious red flag.

However, as you are aware, I am a very sophisticated person. I frequently eat at Arby’s and I own an autographed picture of John Boehner watching basketball.

boehner big time 2

Therefore my more sophisticated answer is that this race is in for a few reversals and surprises before it settles. That is one reason why I am doing my best not to bet on who will win the nomination, unless I see a chance to flip some shares quickly for profit.

On that note–

 

FROM JONATHAN:

Hello Keendawg,

My Elizabeth Warren “No” shares at 70¢ (Who will win the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination?) tanked. Do you have an update for Star Spangled Gamblers true believers?

Regards,

Jonathan

Dear Jonathan:

There is only one way for me to answer your question and that is by saying that without a doubt, recommending that you buy a short position on Elizabeth Warren when her odds were in the 30s was the worst advice I have ever given in my life, including the time that I told my cousin Jake to light a plastic cup of gasoline on fire. That burned down my parents’ gazebo in Kentucky but was a much less expensive mistake than standing on the wrong side of the Warren Wagon.

The bad news is that we are both getting ripped-off and/or cucked because of it. The good news is that I made an amazing gif to sell you on my plan, which we will have forever:

whale gif final text

Truly, life is about the small things and I hope you are remembering that right now.

As for Sen. Warren, I have been dumping my NO shares on her at a painful loss over the last month, even though I can’t believe boneheads are giving her a >50 percent chance of winning the Democratic nomination. I am just hoping that she finally makes a mistake so that the NO price will move back into the high-50s long enough for me to cut my losses a little.

Sorry Animals, sometimes I am wrong.

FROM A. KYLE:

YO. Is it a good idea to buy Buttigieg at .07? He has so much $. Honestly the only reason why I’m not is stupid Hillary. She is going to get into the race.

Dear Kyle:

Lately I have not had good results trying to day-trade shares of Democratic candidates for marginal gains (see above). This has been a major boner killer because there was more liquidity during the early Dem debates than there is in the “Family Planning” aisle of CVS. Those were the good old days and they are in the past.

However, if you had bought Mayor Pete at 7 cents you would have way more money now, since he is trading at ~11 cents. Also, if you had bought NO on Hilary shares, you’d have way more money in a few months when it becomes blindingly obvious that she is not running and that you successfully jacked the wallets off of all the conspiracy theorists who thought she wanted to get back into the scrape. BTW:

Will Hillary run in 2020 – NO

Will Hillary face charges – NO

Will Hillary win Iowa – NO

Will Hillary win NW – NO

Will Hillary win SC – NO

Will Hillary win NH – NO

Will Hillary win NV – NO

Will Hillary win CA – NO

Will Hillary win AL – NO

Will Hillary win ME – NO

Those are 10 locks. Jonathan, if you are reading, I have just given you a golden opportunity to claw back all the money you lost by taking my advice before.

KEENDAWG.

 

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2 thoughts

  1. There are actually- count them- 36 MARKETS to buy Hillary nos on. Unfortunately I couldn’t resist all the 91-95 cent dollars and now I have all my money in PredictIt locked up until they start paying out state by state next year.

    1. Oh man. That is a lot of eggs in one basket. My favorite freebie right now is the Adam Schiff market. Did you hedge on one the other way just in case?

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