NEWSLETTER: The Dog Days Are Here

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It is Halloween in the USA and America is neck-deep in controversy again. This time it is due to the fact that there is a 99 percent chance that Donald Trump will give this dog a seat on his National Security Council:

dog trump

I honestly think we are three months away from an actual canine being nominated to replace Mad Dog Mattis as the Secretary of Defense, and four months away from Mitch McConnell confirming him.

That said, this Photoshopped Medal of Honor ceremony is easily the most hilarious scandal I have ever seen. That is because it says everything about how ridiculous Trump and the Fakes News Media (FNM) are after three years of butting heads. One of the things that I still have is called a “sense of humor” which apparently no one at the FNM has anymore. This is obvious because The New York Times, which has the words, “All the news that’s fit to print” stenciled on its masthead, published this fact-checking article about Trump’s clearly Photoshopped joke. So did The Washington Post, whose new motto is, “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” I personally feel like we all owe them a huge bear hug for clearing this one up.

To be honest, Trump’s dog tweet was a missed opportunity. Because I have never even seen a tweet as awkward as the one that he posted to congratulate his future Secretary of Defense.

Exactly what would happen if Trump declassified this dog’s name? Would an ISIS death squad have gotten revenge on the kennel at Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany? Maybe they would have come after the feral cats outside the Embassy in Djibouti? I also have to ask — how many children got shook AF when they read that this cute little furry friend was responsible for “killing” a human being? This is not a family-friendly White House.

On the other side of the aisle, Joe Biden showed up a day late and a buck short with an extremely awkward plea for money that had something to do with Trump not liking dogs.


Idk. Another great day to be Elizabeth Warren.

Anyway, all this four-legged fury is too much for me. The truth is, I have been spending most of my week getting woke to what is happening in Kentucky, Louisiana, and Mississippi, which are all electing their governors on Tuesday. The politicis in these states are kind of bonkers when you get to local elections, so I think we are in for a wild ride. Below, I’ve got a bangarang podcast for you to enjoy, guest starring Sylvester Stalone. Just kidding, all you get is me. But I am a genius and this newsletter contains more gold than Fort Knox, so you are welcome.

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