Happy Thanksgiving, Especially to the Animals of Politics

Happy Thanksgiving! This has been a total banger of a week for political animals. And by that I do not mean the kind that crushes bottles of red at the Capital Grille with whoever the new “it” Senator is. By that I literally mean animals in politics.

First there was Conan the Dog, who was the MVP in the Navy SEAL raid on ISIS boss Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s cave. He is probably the first and last team MVP who will visit Trump’s Oval Office.

Conan’s appearance answered some important questions about the Trump Administration. It was honestly Mike Pence’s best performance as a handler–

mike pence conan

And if any of you were wondering whether or not Melania is divorcing her husband in the very near future, just look at this photo:

Image: Donald Trump

Secondly, Trump carried on another important animal tradition at the White House. This was the Thanksgiving Turkey pardon. This year’s candidates were named Bread and Butter.

Screen Shot 2019-11-27 at 4.13.34 PM

At these turkeys’ pardoning, Trump just did a bang-up job of trolling Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA). He said that:

“Thankfully, Bread and Butter have been specially raised by the Jacksons to remain calm under any condition, which will be very important because they’ve already received subpoenas to appear in Adam Schiff’s basement on Thursday… But Bread and Butter, I should note that unlike previous witnesses, you and I have actually met.”

I am not sure which Turkey was released, but I will tell you this with 100 percent certainty: presidential pardons are about to be this Administration’s bread and butter.

The last dog wagging this week’s news cycle was Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s polling numbers. Woof. Apparently her campaign was all bark and no bite, because she has relinquished her lead in the national polls, Iowa, and in New Hampshire. Too bad this Keendawg gave up his short position on her at a loss a month ago, otherwise I would be rich AF. That said, I am thinking that maybe Sen. Warren is more of a cat because her campaign definitely has nine lives and this senator has a way of always landing on her feet. Watch this space.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving you animals. Below we’ve got a special on some Black Friday deals in political forecasting for easy money.


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