NEWSLETTER: Impeachment Week 1 Round-Up

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Dear Animals,

One of the fakest news stories I have heard in my life is that government officials are not creative. It is 100 percent true that their sense of style is garbage (have you seen Jerry Nadler’s suits?) but this week we saw some savage creativity coming out of Washington, D.C.

For example, Michael Horowitz, the Inspector General for the Department of Justice, released his report and gave some bangarang testimony about it in front of Lindsay Graham and Dianne Feinstein’s Senate panel. If you have recently suffered a spinal injury or are currently waiting out doomsday in a cave, you can watch all six hours of it here.

The part I loved the most was Horowitz’s tribute to the massive imaginations of a few politicians. IG Horowitz told the Senate Judiciary committee that Trump’s arguments that (1) Ukraine interfered in the 2016 election; and (2) there was a deep state conspiracy against him were Oscar-worthy fiction; but he also gave the best original screenplay award to James Comey and the FBI team investigating Trump’s 2016 campaign. This was due to the fact that they doctored emails to make up a phony case to investigate Trump aide Carter Paige, declined to provide the courts info about the Steele dossier (the thing about Trump peeing on hookers) being fake news, and used Trump’s FBI security briefing as a cover for spying on Mike Flynn. Apparently that movie magic was enough to convince a federal judge to approve some things that IG Horowitz and Sen. Lindsey Graham thought were extremly naughty.

lindsay graham very fake news

Meanwhile, in the House, Speaker Pelosi and her assistants, Rep. Adam Schiff and Rep. Jerry Nadler, unveiled two impeachment articles against President Trump — Abuse of Power and Obstruction of Congress. I personally think this was a great call. This is partially because I made a serious amount of dough off of “2,”, thanks in large part to tips I got from you. But it was also a creative decision that Hollywood would be proud of. Pelosi had two choices: one was to go for a buffet of 3+ impeachment articles that would score highly with critics. The other was to go mass-market and keep it simple: Abuse and Obstruction. Obviously she chose box office over Oscar appeal. Might as well be J.J. Abrams.

Pelosi’s choice does not guarantee a blockbuster for impeachment, but it will protect her from a Mueller Report-sized bust. If that is not Oscar-winning direction, then I do not know what is. It just remains to be seen which side has election-winning moves too. That’s left up to the sequel: Election 2020.

weinstein clinton
Now — on to this week’s ALPHA.


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