NEWSLETTER: Let’s Talk About Power and Filet-O-Fishes

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Dear Political Animals,

One of my least favorite things about the Trump Administration is that 99 percent of the reporters in the Fake News Media (FNM) are giving terrible takes about everything because of him. They basically just read whatever Il Duce aka Donald Trump was tweeting about the night before while he hate-watched Anderson Cooper, and then they write dumb, sky-is-falling stories based on the brain farts the President thew away with his McDonald’s Fillet-O-Fish carton. But this week I am going to talk about Trump because we saw a savage example of the difference between how he understands power and how the rest of Washington does. So #LFG!!!

If you are like me, then you have been feeling less suspense during–

The standoff between Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell

over when the House will send the Senate impeachment articles than you did in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, which was an atrocity of a movie that killed more boners than cocaine and whiskey and combined.

That is because I, like everyone else, know that two aging politicians wiggling their dentures about who has more “leverage” is the dumbest news story ever. Since the beginning of the Trump Administration, two things have been obvious to all of us: that the Democrats would stop at nothing to impeach Trump, and the Republicans would stop at nothing to defend him. Everyone knows how this story ends and that is why no one cares. Nancy Impeaches. Cocaine Mitch acquits. No one gives a crap about “leverage.”

Now let’s talk about how Trump understands power. Shift your eyes to–

IRAN

Animals, shed your partisan leanings for a moment, because this is one of the most brutal news stories I have ever heard in my life. 40 years of U.S. Presidents have gotten jacked-up by Iran’s crazy complexity in the Middle East. Then Donald Trump comes up with a new policy that I will summarize like this:

IRAN GIF INDIANA JONES.gif

There is actually a colder and more honest way to put Trump’s official diplomatic position: if you mess with me, I will kill your best friend. That’s what he did to the Ayatollah Khomeini by icing General Soleimani. It was also the plot of the Season 2 premier of Designated Survivor, which is insane given that we are talking about reality here.

sink every ship theyve got

YES — I am woke to the fact that the longterm consequences of Trump clipping Soleimani could be very bad for the USA. But in the short-term, this is the perfect way to grasp the difference between how Trump understands power and how the rest of Washington does. Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi argue over an abstraction like “leverage.” Donald Trump kills your best friend. That is mafia sh*t. When it comes to power, the game goes exactly how Donald Trump told Billy Bush it did: “Grabs ’em by the p*ssy.”  Time will tell whether or not this prophylactic assassination of Qasem Soleimani was a good idea or bad. Until then, we’ll dwell in history’s afterbirth and hope for the best.

NOW ONTO THE ALPHA–

A word about this week’s content: there’s a lot. Most of what we chronicled is how the favorites in the Dem Primary aren’t as strong as they appear. We’ve also got a recurring column from one of our users, @TomSayingThings, who might be a genius. As I’ve always said, I want to hear from you. DM me your takes and maybe I’ll print them.

LASTLY —

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KEEDNAWG.

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