Why I am Degenerately Gambling on Jesse Ventura to Run for POTUS

Animals,

If you follow me on Twitter, you know my rule.

Always assume that everyone is running for president. Honestly, I have no idea how you can look at presidential politics since 2015 and not assume that. Here is a partial list of the fringe AF people who have run for the highest office in the land these past two cycles:

  • The mayor of San Antonio who could honestly have his twin brother campaign for him and no one would know the difference (Julian Castro)
  • A surgeon who has never spent a day in government (Ben Carson).
  • The mayor of a town with a smaller population and GDP than The Gap’s payroll (Pete Buttigieg).
  • The author of Don’t Kill Yourself books (Marianne Williamson)
  • A bunch of rich guys who legit thought they could buy an election (Tom Steyer and Mike Bloomberg)
  • A reality TV star/Atlantic City casino owner/boxing promoter/two-time divorcee with no government experience (Donald Trump).

So now whenever I hear rumors that someone is considering a bid, I degenerately purchase 100 shares on the YES side and then evaluate whether or not that was a good idea later. Fortunately for me, I was cranking some Modelos with the boys last night (on Zoom, obviously) and built-up the courage to put $25 bucks on this at an average cost of 23 cents:

But then this happened while I was getting my beauty sleep:

For those of you who need help reading that sloppy Photoshop job, at 2:30 AM ET, someone bought YES on Ventura all the way up to 97 cents.

This means one of two things: either an insider knows Ventura is running and is gobbling-up shares; or someone got hilariously drunk while watching him operate a heavy machine gun in Predator and realized that Ventura has presidential chops. After all, I can think of no film that has produced more political talent than this absolute classic. Two of Predator’s four stars would go on to win statewide office. And a third went on to be Carl Weathers, which is also a major life accomplishment.

Long story short, I am feeling pretty optimistic about Keendawg’s law delivering once again. At a minimum, I think I’ll be able to take profits as the rumors shake-out about Ventura’s intentions.

We’ll discuss this at greater length on our forthcoming Mailbag Monday podcast. BTW i have not done any research on this at all, I am just a savage and I like to gamble like a motherf*cker on psycho politicians stroking their egos and trying to raise their profile high enough to get a deal with CNN/Harper Collins to pay for their retirement.

We’ll see.

KEENDAWG.

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