SUPREME COURT: Trust in Zoltar?

Animals,

This past weekend, Zoltar has been an absolute savage and has blown through approximately 99 percent of his cell phone data plan. This is due to the fact that he has basically texted me every 15 seconds to ask if I was double-maxed yet on his favorite for the next Supreme Court nomination…

BARBARA LAGOA

The messages I have been receiving are borderline insane.

“Zoltar loves lagoa?”

What is this, Wall Street?

And then, finally, this:

Though I appreciate his confidence, I have not yet decided whether or not it is a good idea to put even $1 on the line for Barbara Lagoa, much less aggressively seek out a life partner who will both marry me and allow me to commit tax fraud with her in whatever time remains between now and Tuesday, when Trump is said to be announcing his pick.

However, what I am willing to do is post Zoltar’s take on why Barbara Lagoa will win Trump’s nomination. Look for that later today.

KEENDAWG.

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