Georgia Senate Run-Off Preview: A Bunch of Tarts in the Peach State

Animals,

I do not know if you remember the 2000s well but one of the top jams of the era was by a Atlanta native John Mayer, who now tours with The Grateful Dead and smashes dimes every night. That song was called, “Why Georgia?”‘

Lately, I have been thinking about it’s refrain, “Why Georgia? Why?” as I look at the absolute band of sissies who are currently running for senate there.

WTF IS HAPPENING IN THE GA SENATE RUN-OFFS?

Because no candidate won an outright majority in either of Georgia’s November senate elections, the following contests will be happening on January 5’s run-off: Republican Sen. Kelly Loeffler vs. Democrat Raphael Warnock; and Republican Sen. David Perdue vs. Democrat Jon Ossoff.

Regardless of whether these races result in “Red” or “Blue” Georgia, this list of candidates guarantees that one multi-generational trend in the Peach State will remain in place: it’s rock-solid track record of producing mediocre politicians.

Today, Georgia is one of the fastest growing and most dynamic states in the country, with commerce focused on the Atlanta metro area. But name one politician who has come from this state since Jimmy Carter who is actually relevant.

For example, when California made its big break-out to national relevance in the 1960s, that State was pretty much a lock to dominate GOP politics for the next generation with savages like Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan waiting on deck. Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Brown, and Dianne Feinstein were not far behind. But in Georgia, they just keep producing the sorriest bunch of sissies I have ever seen in my life. So much so that the only nationally-known leader from there is famous for LOSING (I’m looking at you, Stacey Abrams!)

So with that as pre-amble, here is a summary of the mediocre candidates on the ballot:

Sen. Kelly Loeffler… who is an absolute smoke show. But her public speaking is more boring than Axios on HBO. Honestly, if you can watch more than 3 minutes of either without needing a kilo of cocaine just to keep your eyes open, then you are an absolute legend and are welcome to live on my couch and eat nachos there for 2-3 months.

THE MOST BORING SHOW EVER MADE:

THE MOST BORING CANDIDATE EVER MADE:

GOP honchos appointed Sen. Loeffler to replace retiring Senator Saxby Chambliss in January of 2020, so she hasn’t had much time to distinguish herself. This is probably why the only thing she ever brags about is being “100 percent pro Trump,” because her voting record is too thin to say much else. Really, Loeffler’s biggest accomplishment is dodging an ethics scandal over how she managed her stock portfolio during the COVID pandemic.

Opposing her is Rev. Raphael Warnock, who Barack O’Bama is endorsing. But unfortunately for Rev. Warnock, many voters are probably more focused on one of the endorsements he himself made: that of Fidel Castro, Cuban dictator.

Warnock escaped a mass-assault by GOP Koch money during the general election because Georgia’s election laws made November’s contest into a de facto primary. Now, the focus on both sides will be on defeating the opposing party. And by the looks of it, Rev. Warnock has given Republicans plenty of ammo to use against him, whether it’s by association with the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Fidel Castro, or his disparaging remarks about the police. The only question is whether or not Loeffler has the chops to use those bullets in a way that will trigger suburban white voters to vote Republican.

Then there is incumbent Sen. David Perdue. Perdue was CEO of Reebok back in the day. Depending on what your fashion taste is, that might be a good thing or a bad thing. But what was obvious during his debate performances with opponent Jon Ossoff is that Perdue has gotten complacent AF. Jon Ossoff absolutely creamed him in their last meeting.

As a result, Perdue dropped-out of their final debate and hid behind his mountain of corporate cash and his brother, former Governor Sonny Perdue’s organization. What a beta.

Speaking of money, there is also this: Perdue has been totally reliant on massive GOP-aligned Super PAC’s. 64 percent of his contributions come from “Large Individual Donors” and PACs; while only 9 percent is sourced from grassroots contributors. Sad!

Lastly there is Jon Ossoff, the Democrat running to unseat Perdue. To be honest, these two guys deserve each other. If Perdue has the vibe of the out-of-touch CEO who calls half his female employees “hun” and the over half “doll,” then Ossoff fully has the energy of some aggravated soy boy who is trying to unionize the cafeteria staff while he lives in a gated community, pays his own housekeeper sub-minimum wage, and constantly barges into conversations after his SoulCycle classes to tell strangers how awesome turmeric is.

Like Stacey Abrams, Ossoff is also famous for losing. In his case, it was a special election to fill Rep. Tom Price’s seat in the suburbs north of Atlanta after Price joined Trump’s cabinet. He lost this race narrowly in 2017, only to see fellow Democrat Lucy McBath flip it one year later.

Furthermore, a quick jog through Ossoff’s FEC report shows that he has been on the same fundraising tour as recently-defeated pols Amy McGrath and Jaime Harrison. By that I mean, totally reliant on contributions from out-of-state donors and Silicon Valley moguls chasing their liberal fever dreams in the South.

My takeaway is that this guy is a total loser who would be more relatable if he could gain a few pounds and get a shittier haircut.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

As I said, we are looking at a field of extremely average candidates. Later this week I’ll tell you how to bet on them.

KEENDAWG.

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