The Dirty Dozen: The Greatest (Worst?) Moments of the Trump Presidency
With 24 hours left to go in the Trump Presidency, I personally think it’s important to laugh about WTF we just experienced these past 4 years.
If you like Trump, then it’s time to be thankful for the smashing comedy he has provided non-stop since beginning his 2016 campaign.
And if you hate Trump, it’s time to make a burn book of his most embarrassing statements — that were still kind of funny too.
So let’s remember the most bamboozling moments of the last 4 years, and look forward to a joyful continuation of the Republic as a new President takes the oath of office.
THE FAKE NEWS SHOWDOWNS
What would a Trump highlight reel be without a few of his greatest clashes with the News Media?
THE FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE
A great, great Trump meme was born bigly at his 2016 post-election presser. Trump told CNN’s Jim Acosta that… “You are fake news,” marking the beginning of a policy agenda designed to address the long-festering, borderline pornographic desire of 99% of registered Republicans: to own the libs.
“NOT FAKE NEWS, VERY FAKE NEWS”
In a comic moment of reconciliation with Jim Acosta, his pressroom nemesis, Trump made a gentleman’s promise to never call CNN “Fake News” again. Instead, he’d call it…
“THE LEAKS ARE REAL. THE NEWS IS FAKE.”
Many recall Kellyanne Conway’s “alternative facts.” But the greatest Catch-22 Trump ever described came when his opponents in the intelligence community leaked damaging information about General Mike Flynn.
When the press reported on this subject, Trump scolded them saying that while these illegal leaks were “real,” the news stories about them were “fake.”
THE IMPEACHMENT TROLLS
Trump’s first impeachment fight with Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, and Nancy Pelosi had the same sense of decorum as the 5 minutes of name calling that precedes a middle school food fight. Let’s remember some of the more astonishing moments.
“IT WAS A GREAT CALL WITH THE PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE… SCHIFTY SCHIFF… I THINK HE HAD SOME KIND OF MENTAL BREAKDOWN… AND HE SHOULD RESIGN, AND SOME PEOPLE EVEN SAY IT WAS TREASON.”
Never did Trump have a better target for his childishness, negativity, and love of exaggeration, than when he was matched with the tiny, soft-spoken, and tireless crusader, Rep. Adam Schiff.
“JEROLD NADLER’S A SLEAZEBAG.”
Anytime a Boomer slur like “sleazebag” comes out of the President’s mouth, I sit up and listen. Yes, this moment that was completely beneath the President of the United State. But ask yourself… is Jerry Nadler a sleazebag? Maybe just a little…?
“LISA AND PETER… THE FBI LOVERS.”
Can anyone forget the time that Trump read rogue FBI Agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page’s love letters to the press… IN THROATY PORNOGRAPHIC CHARACTER?
THE ART OF THE DEAL
Trump presented himself as the master of deal making. But sometimes others just didn’t see his genius.
“LET’S CALL A HALT TO THIS.”
In 2018, for inexplicable reasons, Trump decided that he wanted to negotiate the federal budget with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi… on live TV. The breakdown that followed was as cringe-worthy as a Seth Rogen dick joke that you can’t help but laugh at anyway.
“HE HAS BEEN VERY THREATFUL”
After months of building a bromance with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, Trump made an off-the-cuff threat of “fire and fury” if Kim dicked him around one more time. This awkward self-own went down so bad that Michael Wolff would name his tell-all about the Trump White House… exactly that.
THE COVID FUMBLES
Unfortunately for everyone, Trump’s legacy will be bound-up in his absolutely pathetic response to COVID-19. And when you remember these moments, it’s hardly surprising why.
“THIS IS THEIR NEW HOAX”
Has there been a more incriminating line in recent history than this?
“IMAGINE IF THERE’S A WAY TO HANDLE THAT BY… INJECTION INSIDE OR… ALMOST A CLEANING“
The only thing more embarrassing than Trump’s insistence that COVID was a political wedge issue being used against him by Democrats… was the day that he suggested injecting bleach into patients. Hilariously, Trump completely missed the headline on his own meme here. And sometimes that’s the Trump magic — neither he, nor you, know when to take him seriously.
“IT COMES FROM CHI-NAH”
Speaking of which, one of Trump’s great skills was being an advocate for common sense in a place that militantly hates it. Rarely did he have the composure to do this in a way that didn’t alienate as many people as he persuaded, but Trump’s explanation of why he used the term “China Virus” was comically simple and a total own of woke phonies.
THE INEXPLICAPBLE WTFS
The moments that gave political consultants heart attacks for their sheer awkwardness & political idiocy. On what planet would a candidate for Dog Catcher make these mistakes?
“I JUST WISH HER WELL, FRANKLY.”
To Trump’s credit, it can be hard to tell when he’s being genuine or acting like a troll. But he left that question open when asked for his thoughts about Ghyslain Maxwell, Jefferey Epstein’s partner in child rapes.
What is the definition of bush league? How about using a Sharpie to modify a hurricane map and then denying it?
BONUS – THE WORST PHOTO
We’re talking about the one photograph that should have told you it was going to be amateur hour for the next 4 years.
First Son-in-Law Jared Kushner posed with the troops wearing body armor over a tailored blazer and a pair of frat boy Wayfarers. A picture is worth a thousand words, and this one clearly said that Trump’s team was run by a bunch of rookies who didn’t even know how to stage a photo the right way. Kushner’s rumpled, bullet-proof blazer was almost Michael Dukakis helmet bad.
Alright, animals. That’s my list. What are yours? Comment below.